She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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