i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
