Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
