Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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