Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
