We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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