Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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