my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
