I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
