What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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