I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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