guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
