the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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