I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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