I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
