if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
