areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
being pregnant is like rehab
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize