i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
