yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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