she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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