New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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