Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
