i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
