I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
