We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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