Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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