winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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