so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
