Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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