I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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