Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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