I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
