her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
