Nicole vs. Life
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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