upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
