Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
