I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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