he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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