epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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