think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's great music for shaving your balls
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
