So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
