She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
