I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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