Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She even gives head with a lisp.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
