you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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