I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
