stop calling my apartment porn island.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
