my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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