these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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