I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
