so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
