last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
