The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
