We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
