What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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