wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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