the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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