Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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