quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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