Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
