apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sorry about my life...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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