someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
