I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it's like iHOP with fire
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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