I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
