I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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