Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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