Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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