chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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