my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
