Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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