So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
