I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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