The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
