Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got inside last night via doggy door
We are all done wearing pants today
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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