Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
